Enough about me... let's talk more about me

The phrase 'retardedly annoying' became politically incorrect sometime in the mid 90's. What a shame.

It has been just too hot this summer so far. I don't know about anyone else, but during times like these, I just turn into a big fat cranklepuss (Don't mind the definition, I just made that up).

Other things, besides the weather, just seem to add to the frustration level. The infamous traffic jam, people getting too close to me, invasion of personal space ... you get the idea. Also, I'm a great believer that there is a time and place for everything. Not too anal about that, but its a good generality.

Sweating, for example, while dressed in business casual attire is just not good timing. The other day, during lunch, I had to run an errand that forced me into the NYC subway during 95-degree high humidity weather. If anyone else has experienced this, I totally sympathize with you. The subway itself is not the problem, it's the standing on the platform and waiting for the subway to arrive. You see, when it's about 95 outside, it is about 110 on the platform. By the time the train finally arrived I could feel the beads of sweat running down the insides of my clothes.

Not a good thing.

On a separate occasion, after boarding a bus after waiting in 97 degree weather (much more pleasurable), I manage to find a seat. Ok, so it was an aisle seat--not too bad, I thought. Just that there was this unpleasurable uncoordinated woman--the kind that gets into other people's way accidentally--not intentionally, but nonetheless retardedly annoying. (I mean that in the highest politically correct sense).

She chooses to sit diagonally in front of me across the aisle. No problem. All one has to do is to walk over to the front of the seat, turn, bend both knees and hips, and relax down into the seat. But that, of course, would be too easy for someone of her stature (Again, I mean that in the highest sense).

She attempted the minnie-goo-goo-hiney-lift maneuver where she hiked her butt, which stretched the purple polyester fabric too far exposing the stressed threaded seams, ... like I was saying, hiked her butt so high diagonally across the aisle, towards me. I mean it was coming at me and there was nowhere to turn or dodge. I thought I was going to die. I could picture it now, all she had to do was to let one gaseous ball loose, or the sheer impact itself would just do me in. Thoughts raced through my head and I just never predicted it would all end like this.

If I could only reach my cell phone, speed-dial Elizabeth, tell her I love her. No ... time. Must ... brace. Instinctively, I lowered the level of impacted pain by involuntarily clinching my eyes shut.

In a second it would be over. All over. Will see the light. Go … towards … the … light.

Nothing. Nothing happened. Carefully, I opened my left eye, then my right one, and there she was, just sitting in her seat. Peacefully just sitting there. Hypothesizing what must have happened, I figured she must've somehow jumped up, grabbed hold of the guiding ledges with her vicious kung fu grip, and swung herself up and over landing butt-first into her seat.

I sat there mystified.

Had this been ther episode of my cranklepuss attitude during this heat-wave? Perhaps my perception was off during times like these. I know it’s mean. I can’t help it. I apologize.

Postlogue--No kidding--She got off the bus later and I just ad to defendingly watch what was to happen. She stood up from her seat, turned towards the aisle,and as she pivoted her body counter-clockwise her arm swung around and clocked the person sitting in front of me square in the face. I’m not kidding. It was loud too.


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...One thing is that no matter how old I am, I probably will not like being called sir or mister, for they have always seemed too far out of reach...




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