6.20.2003 How I Knew
Elizabeth asked me how I knew.
Of course, she was referring to me knowing when I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. The answer was pretty obvious to me, but at the same time, its difficult to explain or quantify—this is probably because it’s more or less something you just know. But if I had to try to express it in 10 words or less, its like knowing that you’re home. There’s just a comfort you feel. You just know.
I’m not talking about the dysfunctional sense either alike the person who has always been in abusive relationships who suddenly finds themselves in a non-abusive one. Surprise, surprise, that person would probably feel somewhat uncomfortable where things just seem imbalanced.
Not preaching either, cause to be honest, a lot of my relationships haven’t been the epitome of Barbie and Ken either. Instead of going into a kiss and tell scenario where I’d list out each one and supply a health-o-meter (although admittedly, this does sound like fun and for this one sake alone, I just one day may), I’ll just state that I’ve had some bad ones, and some good ones. Oh, some of them though, they were real bad. Oh so wickedly bad. I’m not sure, but I think that even a couple of them could have increased the ratings on Jerry Springer if given the chance… but let’s not go there (but admittedly entertaining if I did). But I have to say that they were all somewhat mutually respectable at the same time. Some of them were more like, “Man, this is really f*ed up.” And we both knew it. Let’s go to counseling 100 more times and maybe it’ll help. And monkeys will also fly out my butt... not. Weird.
I’ve also had the relationship where I was more or less a doormat. That one was embarrassingly stupid. Oh so freakin' stupid. But it’s all a part of growing up and if it weren’t for each of those experiences, I would not be who I am today. Yeah, and I try to state that like it’s actually a good thing.
Yeah, so much for the psycho-babble.
Sorry about being so incommunicado lately - just been so wickedly busy; in a good way. Oddly enough, I did create a software package that I can access from anywhere there's a net connection and I can set up automated entries to be posted at specified times. Actually, an entry or so ago was posted while we were slumbering away in Boston. Yeah, there's a coolness factor in thee somewhere. I've also thought about attaching that module that performs 'existence management' just in case I'm zapped away one day - but one thing at a time. Anyhow, along with the automated postings of entries, I guess I just have to figure out how to automatically document events. Now that would be cool.