12.23.2003 Feeling better now

Mood -- feeling a bit better; more balanced; more Zen-like.

Winter's solstice -- Houston -- we spent the better part of the day in a movie theatre watching Lord of the Rings. Things with me have been much better this week -- I feel like a lot of balance has returned, and for the most part, have a lot of my groove on again.

Being back with the family sure has a way of making a person feel whole again.

My first week here has been excellent. I commute into the downtown area with rush hour traffic and it takes about 45 minutes overall. I can understand how people can get frustrated with the commute if they're not accustomed to hoards of people all being at the same place at the same time, but to me, it's welcome, and the novelty of it all just keeps it interesting.

Of course, being together with Elizabeth and Megan again is awesome in itself. Elizabeth constantly tells me that she's missed me so much and knows that I've just been going through a lot. Megan constantly coo-ed with me for the first two days. Everyone says that she acted unusually happier and never coo-es with anyone else like that. In addition to the coo-ing, she seems to always be looking in my direction. I'm so glad to see and be with her too.

Near the end of the week, I got to have some alone time with her while Elizabeth went with her little brother to the mall. We played for a bit until Megan got tired. I popped in a video, laid on the couch, while Megan rested on top of my chest and feel asleep there -- just daddy and his little girl.

As you can imagine, I've been looking at the world through different eyes.

I've had to have my sights for the long-term and for what would be best for the family. This is always a tough vision, because it's while it's filled with promise and hope, it's also filled with sacrifices to get there.

It basically boils down to this -- I really like the lifestyle of Houston and prefer it greatly over New York City's. Albeit, it's not as thrilling and the local economy doesn't prime itself for successful careers, but the lifestyle and surroundings really provides a healthy family environment. I really miss affordable decent houses with garages. I really miss polite courteous people. I miss convenient shopping areas where I don't have to circle around two blocks to find a parking spot.

There is a certain mystic to just being ordinary.

Yes, there are great sacrifices too for leaving New York City. First and foremost is that my immediate family lives there – my parents and my sister. No doubt, I will miss them tremendously and there's nothing that can even balance things out in that area. There is also the part about careers. I will be making a large sacrifice there. Obviously, I would have to try to find a job in my field in Houston, but the economy just does not lend itself alike New York City, to enable me to strive to be all that I can be. New York City just breeds success -- it's everywhere. One has to work a little to get it, but it's there, and one is promptly awarded when they find it. In Houston, well, I just don't know. But possibly, I know that creatively, I will be able to earn a decent living.

Yeah, there are some things to have to figure out.