1.6.2004 First Mid-Life Crisis
"Maybe this is like your first encounter of a mid-life crisis." - Elizabeth
Hope your New Years holiday was fun -- ours was pretty good. Didn't do a whole hell of a lot, but the simplicity of it all was very appropriate. Yes, we brought in the New Year in Houston by watching the ball drop on TV and then followed some kids outside to light up twenty bucks worth of fireworks.
[warning - babbling rant ahead]
Now, our Houston journey has come to an end and Elizabeth, Megan, and I have to board an airplane tomorrow that will take us back to New York. I have to admit something. My view of New York City at this point is sort of soured. Well, it always has been ever since we moved back from Rochester. I mean, the opportunities are excellent -- there is no comparison to it across this great country, except for maybe in the Silicon Valley area. Innovation, the thrill of success, reward - it can all be found in New York City. The part that I have been finding sour is mainly the home life - more specifically, it's just the fuckin' attitudes and the inconveniences and hassles of doing stuff in the city. (yeah, I know - I used the f word).
I'm positive that as soon as we walk off the plane, and before we have the chance to leave the airport, at least one person is going to make a snide remark to us, or bump into us almost purposefully or at least rudely cut in our path interruptedly. I'm sure of this. The first chance that someone has to be hospitable, I'm sure they will be unwieldy rude and selfish.
I know. I'm venting.
I was born and raised in New York City. I'm not trying to be hypocritical, but these are just some of the feelings I'm having right now. And when I think of New York City at the moment, I don't think of the Broadway plays, or the fine dining, or the glitz. I actually think of having to build up a tolerance to endure things that I normally would not have to.
"How do I better this situation?"
As you can probably tell, this question has been in the forefront of my mind lately. Also, in some cynical cyclical manner, I feel like I've come full circle with things. Elizabeth calls this my first encounter of a mid-life crisis. I grew up in New York City and loved it. Even when I moved away for college, I was so proud that I was from New York City. Any other place was just plain boring and did not have enough stimuli. And I truly believed this for many years. When Elizabeth and I moved to New York City in 1999, I thought that I could recapture some of that thrill, that youthful zest, but it was different now. I was different.
In all fairness, I really have to admit that I do enjoy some things in New York. I really enjoy the restaurants that Elizabeth and I go to - some of the neighborhoods as well. Then, there is the culture and the elements of true ethnicity. And of course, there's the fact of my immediate family living here - I love them dearly.
Also, the opportunities and rewards were plentiful and excellent. I have to admit, this really did help balance things for a while.
And, it's all about how much one brings to the table. I know I'm at fault. I'm sure it's directly proportionate to how much joy and satisfaction one gets out of things. It just seems that to achieve that certain level of convenience where one doesn't have to *plan* everything out just to go to the supermarket, or just to do laundry, it becomes quite the fiasco - where to park, what to bring, make sure you pee before you leave the house, cause it may be the case where you may get stuck in traffic and wet your pants by the time you get there - no exagerration. It just takes *a lot* of effort to do something so ordinary.
It starts to be a burden. Anyhow.
"What about now?"
This is a good question, and this is what my New Years resolution is all about - figuring this out. “What do I really want to be when I grow up?”
Yes, this is that common question and also ... a very important one.
(Note-Pretty serious stuff. I know. I used the f word)