1.30.2004 Strange BADs
Strange. Definitely strange. Let me just walk you through this and you can draw your own conclusions -- but I'm certain, you too, will think this was strange.
The last sight I vaguely remember before Elizabeth entered the room with Megan was that of the television going blurry. I knew I was starting to fall asleep, finally, after a very long day. It was Elizabeth's turn to watch Megan tonight and lately, I've been running around ragged trying to get a few deals going, like a juggler at a circus. The trick was to keep all the balls levitating in the air before finally landing one or two in my pockets. Needless to say, sometimes I have a difficult time falling asleep while my mind still processes the day's events -- what I have accomplished so far, what I still have to do. But when I finally start falling asleep, it is possibly the most euphoric and relieving feeling in the world at that moment.
It must've been about 3:30AM or so when Elizabeth marched into the room carrying Megan. "Peter. Peter," she said while turning on the bedside light. The switch made the familiar clicking sound light switches make when they're flipped on. "Wake up. Wake up. You have to watch Megan. Just for a minute. I have to go to the bathroom."
My eyes were barely open before she placed Megan next to me and ran out of the room. Still groggy from being awaken suddenly, I could see that Megan had started to feel anxious -- she started to wave her arms around while kicking her legs outward. I tried my best to comfort her by placing an arm over her in a hugging fashion. Alike her mother, Megan also usually likes that. I guess it makes her feel safe. But she just continued waving her arms and kicking her legs more so. Her eyebrows started to furrow and her mouth started to frown. She was about to start crying.
I sat up in bed, slid my arms under her and gracefully swept her up like I have hundreds of times before. I held her against me and she immediately began to calm down. She rested her head against the crevice of my neck and started to fall back asleep.
Myself, I was getting tired again and waited patiently for Elizabeth to come out of the bathroom. It seemed like she has been in there forever.
The bathroom door opened. She shut the light which also stops the whirl of the bathroom fan, and started walking in this direction. She walked right past the doorway and headed back to Megan's room.
"Elizabeth," I called out, "E-Lizzz-aaa-beth."
She poked her head around the corner and into the doorway, "Yes?"
"Did you forget something?" I asked with a smile.
"What was that?"
"Did you forget something? Or someone?" I nodded my head down toward Megan who was now fast asleep resting her head against me.
"Oh Peter," Elizabeth walked toward me. She kissed me gently on my cheek and started walking away again.
"Elizabeth," I said, "Not funny."
"Can you take Megan back to her room?" I asked.
"Yeah," I motioned again to Megan who was now starting to wake again, "Take her back to her room before she wakes up again."
"Here," I held Megan out to her expecting her to gently carry her as not to disturb her sleep -- like she has hundreds of times before.
My breath was taken away. I watched Elizabeth's expression change as she snatched Megan with one hand and violently flung her down on the bed next to me. I looked up at Elizabeth as she grabbed my shoulders and began to visciously shake me. She glared at me with a serious intensity in her eyes, "Peter! What are you talking about?!"
"E-lizzz-aa..." was all I could muster up before she interrupted.
"Peter! What the hell are you talking about?!"
I looked down in the blankets next to me where Megan has fallen to a second ago. I didn't see her. I gently moved the blankets aside and I still couldn't find her. A fear came over me that she may have fallen over the edge of the bed. I tried looking over the side and Elizabeth grabbed me again.
"Peter! Peter! It's alright. Calm down," she ironically seemed to try to convince me.
"What?" I said.
"Megan is okay. She's sleeping now. But she won't stay asleep if you keep this up."
I looked up at her in horror.
She turned on the light, again, which I didn't quite understand. The room was already lit, but she turned on the light again. The switch made the familiar clicking sound light switches make when they're flipped on. She did turn on the light again. Elizabeth started walking out of the room. I stood and followed her. She was going to Megan's room. In a trance I walked over to the crib and there she was sleeping soundly. I looked over to Elizabeth feeling a bit puzzled and bent down and quietly gave Megan a kiss. I also gave Elizabeth a kiss and started walking back to the bedroom.
It just seemed so real.
Diagnosis -- I had been sleeping and dreamed that I was holding Megan while Elizabeth was going to the bathroom. Reality is that When Elizabeth came back from the bathroom, I had called out to her and this also continued in my dream - Baby Anxiety Dreams. Strange.