Her, her, or her, but not her

Her, her, or her, but not her

by | Feb 6, 2017 | Life Record | 0 comments

“Her, her, or her, but you definitely cannot marry her.” she softly spoke.

“Either him or him,” I replied with a smile, “But none of your ex-boyfriends, especially that one.”

Laying next to Elizabeth in her hospital bed, we talked about our past, and our dreams of things to come. And every now and then, we have the same conversation — about whom we would deem okay to remarry if something were to happen to one of us. But unlike other times, her voice was a bit more soft. A bit more sincere. A bit more real. I didn’t want to face this. Not now.  Not even as a slight possibility. “No one,” I said, “I don’t want anyone else. It’ll just be me and the kids.”

“Good, cause I forbid you to be with anyone else,” she joked. “Not even dating.”

Its been a difficult week with Elizabeth being in the hospital. Having an IV inserted into her arm administering medication and being constantly squeezed with the blood pressure monitor every fifteen minutes. Doctors and nurses entering her room on the hour, every hour, takes its toll on a person. And not having her home with us, just felt incomplete.

Actually, things felt incomplete all day. Shoulders heavy — taking care of the kids in the morning, then to work, to the hospital for lunch, back to work, then picking the kids up and providing dinner — then its back to the hospital for the evening, and late night back home with the kids. Rinse, repeat.

While visiting Elizabeth at the hospital, curling up in bed with her, chatting about the hopeful optimistic future, I feel complete. At rest.

I Wouldn’t Know What to Do If…

I Wouldn’t Know What to Do If…

by | Jan 31, 2017 | Life Record | 0 comments

Walking into the darkened room full of dim flickering monitors connecting her from the bed while illuminating her vitals in a low buzzing hum. She slept soundly, almost too peacefully. Resting my hand on her, she softly woke and mumbled my name. All I did – all I could do was sit next to her, hug her, and maybe tell her a little story every now and then. We must’ve been there like this for a couple of hours at least, I’m thinking.

Elizabeth hasn’t felt well lately. She was admitted to the hospital two nights ago.

Part of me tries to prepare for the upcoming new addition to the family (the baby). But the other part of me is not prepared to lose someone — I don’t think things are that extreme, but of course, its difficult not letting my mind wander down that path.

Elizabeth, she and I, we don’t always get along like milk and cereal. We’re more like grits and oatmeal – not the perfect match, but on a cold wintery day, along with a mug full of hot chocolate, can feel just like heaven. Alike belonging together, but sometimes, we just feel otherwise. But the lonely dark, half hour drive back from the hospital can be tear filled afraid of losing my friend. Afraid of missing her too much. When good things happen, I turn to laugh with her. When bad things happen, I turn to be comforted by her. So much of me is made from her — I wouldn’t know what to do if…

Imaginary Tourist

Imaginary Tourist

by | Jan 26, 2017 | Thought | 0 comments

So I’m surfing the net tonight and my mind just wanders.. I play imaginary tourist once in a while. Sometimes, Julian and I sit in front of the large computer monitor and ride the Six Flags roller coasters with point-of-view youtube videos and its great fun. This is sort of the same thing, but with a little more imagination… I wonder what its like to go visit some of these places.

I came across these pictures of India.. Just have to plan a visit.. Oh man..

http://www.cnn.com/2017/01/25/travel/india-beautiful-places/index.html

I Deactivated my Facebook Account

I Deactivated my Facebook Account

by | Jan 24, 2017 | Life Record | 1 comment

Today, I deactivated my personal Facebook account. And for the first time, I’m not sure if I’ll be back on there. Don’t get me wrong — I love technology. I love reconnecting with old friends. I love staying in touch with current friends. The Facebook platform makes it very convenient. But honestly, the last several months of glancing on there, I’ve been walking away slowly anyway. The reason is that its been so full of negativity – everywhere people are reeling from Trump being elected. I’m not stating I’m happy for it – far from it, but I just can’t stand the negativity. And people are posting about wars around the world. And the truth of the matter is that current friends get down on me for not appearing angry, or active about situations, or how I should get involved. All I really want to say is just “hold off” for there’s too much going on in my head right now. Everyone has a story. And so do I. I have things I need to sort out, big time. Things are not always pretty and rosy, but things are real, and I need to know this.

I’m going to trade some of my Facebook time for some blogging time. Some songwriting time — where I have writer’s block right now. Great. Argh!

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