You’re a good friend. You know that. I always tell you and everyone around you that we’re best friends. It’s been a while since you’ve done that, though.
If you read this, you’ll probably come and text me and tell me how emo I am. I’ll laugh and say, “i’m !! not emo !!” but maybe I am. Maybe it’s because I was always used to you being so sad all the time and it rubbed off on me. Maybe this will be so eMo™ !!1!1! that you’ll wince and look away like you did to me the other day when I wore that one outfit I wear every other week but this was the one time you chose to hate it. Or maybe you won’t. I don’t know.
Remember when you and I would stay up for hours on Houseparty talking about everything and nothing, even though we just spent a few hours at the park and boba shops minutes before? Remember when we used to text and talk so much we had to force ourselves to stop so that we could get at least part of our homework done? Remember when we used to hang out almost every weekend and take photos for Spanish class? Remember when we used to be so close and spend so much time together that people started thinking we were dating? And remember when we used to tell them that that’s gross because we were like siblings and incest is wrong. And illegal.
We haven’t done any of that in a while.
Do you remember when I told you that I was scared we wouldn’t be as close when you started dating her and you told me that that would never happen because I’m your best friend?
Me neither. Sorry.
I’ve been eating lunch with you every day for a while now, right? I remember it was because I thought my group of friends stopped caring about me and you were fun to talk to anyways. It was a shame that we couldn’t spend Wednesdays together where we actually had an hour to talk instead of thirty minutes. But I have ROV Club and you have band sectionals which both suck. Kinda.
We only ate with each other once this week, right? It was fine because you ate with your girlfriend and I ate with her best friend. Cause, you know, your girlfriend is also one of my close friends and I was the one that introduced you two. I missed eating with you but I missed eating with the group too, even though after ten minutes we were all going our separate ways to do whatever and the table was empty. It was nice to have an actual conversation.
We haven’t one of those in forever, huh?
You’ve been distant lately. We don’t really talk. I mean, we tease each other, but when was the last time we talked. Sure, we have the opportunity to every day but you’re so far away all the time.
Maybe that’s why I’m writing this instead of telling you directly. It takes the whole world wide web to reach you, even though you’re right in front of me. Hahaha.
“i never asked you to be my best friend lmao”
You said this while we were joking around in the group chat that you got added to by your girlfriend. I didn’t want to ruin the mood so I laughed and called you a bully and you laughed back.
But do you remember when you were feeling distant from your friends and spent hours texting me how alone you felt? How you wished that you wanted someone to be there for you? How you wanted someone to listen to you? So I took it upon myself to be that person to do all of that for you. I took it upon myself to be the person to listen to your endless rants about how crappy your friends were and how much you hated yourself and how all you wanted was a fucking girlfriend.
I took it upon myself. To be the person. To tell you everything was going to be okay. To tell you that you were cool and funny and nice to talk to and that you shouldn’t think so lowly of yourself. To introduce you to your crush. To be there for you when you thought she liked someone else. To be happy and plan a celebration for you when you found out your crush liked you back. To now realize that we never got to celebrate because you were always out with her.
Maybe I should leave because you never asked to stay either. You never asked me to eat lunch with you. You always hint to me that you want me to go and now I understand that people aren’t just dense and unable to pick up on things. It’s just that they don’t always want to acknowledge what was just said. Like when you asked, “Why don’t you sit with the group anymore?” after I told you that your girlfriend wasn’t either. Or when you asked, “Why are you following me?” when we walked to the Performing Arts Center to say goodbye to your girlfriend after school. And when you started trailing away because you didn’t want to associate with me when I wore that one outfit.
Well, this is all me. I’ll wait for this conversation to come up if it ever does. I’ll wait like a dog, cause you know how much I like comparing people to dogs, right? Of course, you know; you’re my best friend.